Posts Tagged ‘photos’

“Please be considerate and flash the toilet”

June 25, 2011

Kinda hard to avoid?

Of course, they really mean “please be considerate and FLUSH the toilet”… which is almost as hilarious. Surely you shouldn’t have to tell people? Mind you, most of America’s public toilets seem to be equipped with automatic flushers, and I can’t help wondering if there’s some sordid reason for that.

This proves that spell checkers are not all-powerful and should come with a WARNING: USE IN CONJUNCTION WITH BRAIN FOR BEST RESULTS.

Oh, okay then... If the toilet wants that, I guess...

Photo (note clever placement of flash spot) taken by my friend Jinty (read her blog, it’s crazy stuff – her phone just got tapped!) in Nelspruit, probably while going to the dentist, the doctor, or the supermarket in South Africa. People who live in Swaziland – and who can afford to leave – tend to cross the border to do stuff like that now and then. Well, to do that, and to make private phone calls.

It’s the big things that count: 80s hair and “brick formation” seating

April 6, 2011

“It’s the little things that count”. Sure… keep telling yourselves that. But it’s usually not true. Here’s a great example of how much big things matter, as illustrated by the ways in which 80s hairstyles changed the design of move theater and theatre-theatre seating.

I learn something new every day, and not just because I live in a new country now – America, instead of South Africa – but also because I live in a new country where it’s possible to surf the web very fast and pick up new and useless information at lightning speed.

Today, while idly googling “Rwanda Liberation and Entrepreneurship”, I wound up on sites about “Rwandan Refugees threatened by South African coke dealers”, and from there traveled to “cocaine: history of” and next thing I knew I was looking at this photograph.

80s hair. It was designed to be big enough to hide your actions from overhead cameras while you snorted coke in public toilets. Which you needed to be on to get your hair cut this way. And so, the addiction cycle is born. For a more recent example see: Amy Winehouse.

One of the pictures took me to another site, where I found out all about why theater seating has changed so much. You see, before people had massive hair, theater seating looked like this.

Verona - Italy. By being raised slightly, you could generally see over your neighbor to the action on either side of them, or simply over their heads. Pigtails occasionally got in the way, but it wasn't too bad.

Then things changed. 80s hair was born, and suddenly, it was very, very important to create gaps in audiences. While theaters had already offered individual seats, in their efforts to be orderly, they’d lined the chairs up in neat, matching rows, assuming that people would simply be able to look through the gaps between the people in front of them. With 80s hair, that all changed.

You're going to need a lot more drugs than they're on to see through them. And they're on a lotta drugs.

To solve the problem, architects designing theaters during and after the 1980s combined two techniques. The old European technique of tiering, and the “brick formation”.

The creation of a slope just like those used in Greko-Roman amphitheatres gives the people in the cheap seats a hope in hell.

Brick Form Theory: Imagine the horizontal cement is an audience member. Now imagine the brick is their hair.

By raising the rows towards the back, they enabled people to see over the 80s hair. By staggering the seating, they enabled people to see between the 80s hair. The effect was satisfactory. However, years later, you’d still pay more to sit at the front of the theatre, where you were protected from the unexpected lingering effect of multiple rows of 90s hair. (Studies have proved that the cumulative effect of inhaling the perfume contained in cheap hair gel may be as, or more dangerous than passive smoking.)

Interesting, right?

Since the 90s, seating hasn’t needed to change. The movie theatres are so rarely filled to capacity that it’s no longer necessary to worry about people’s hairstyles, or even whether or not they choose to continue to wear headgear while indoors.

But the theaters remain, tiered and staggered. A quaint reminder of our ‘hairitage’?

What would you do for love?

April 4, 2011

Since I can’t answer that question I offer you, instead: 5 things I wouldn’t do for love, ever again.

There’s something awesome about sitting on a bench at campus making out. Just dark enough to be intimate. Just public enough to make it a little dangerous. It’s kink for good girls. It’s really, really, really-nice. I’m a fan.

People showed a failure to be witty in response to this sign, posted on a campus bench I hope to frequent one day. "I don't like the word love", and "Not that". C'mon.

While making out on benches on campus at night, I don’t like to think about the sad side of it all. What would I do? Who wants to ruin that feeling with the fear of what could be to come. What have I done for love? Oh, many things of which I am not proud – not because they were wrong, but because they were wrong for me. So I guess I’d only be able to answer that question when you put it in the negative: What would I never do for love, again? EVER.

This calls for a list. I’ll keep it brief and exclude “run in front of a car”, or “keep my mouth shut” or “stop drinking out of the milk carton in the fridge” and other obvious stuff like that.

1. I will never clean up after some guy: If a man needs a maid, he should hire one. Also it fills me with boiling resentment. After living alone for three years and learning to love it, there’s no way in hell I’ll ever compromise on this one again. This is particularly important when it comes to toilet etiquette – which precludes me from dating most women, too.

2. I will never fool myself again: Telling the truth about how I feel and demanding the truth doesn’t make me happy in the short term. It doesn’t make anyone happy. But it does save a lot of time. And I’d give anything to have those wasted years back. I’ve learned my lesson, and learned it the hard way.

3. I will never put his career before my own: My work is one of the things that makes me who I am. If a guy cares about me and digs me, he digs me for that too. The times I’ve stood behind a man have never been worth it. If anything, it’s been a problem for him too. For all the many awful faults almost all my serious exes are guilty of, loving weak women isn’t one of them.

4. I will never put my life at risk: This may seem weird, but it’s not uncommon for women to put their lives at risk. I stopped doing so the day I went off the pill 12 years ago, so that I would have an excuse to use a condom with my boyfriend, who I didn’t trust. This decision may have saved my life later on. I could put this another way: I’ll never kid myself about what love is, ever again. It is not patient, it is not kind… individual people can be on occasion. But love is vicious in the end. You play. You pay. Eventually. Even if only because you end up together for so long that you wind up changing his diapers. Massages have happy endings. Relationships don’t.

5. I will never wait til I am angry to pick a fight: When I wait til I’m angry, I do things I feel bad about, wind up apologising for them, and lose the argument not because I was wrong in the first place… but because I put myself in the wrong by the end. Such a waste of a good argument.

This sign wouldn't exist if people didn't do it... I came across in the video preview booth of an Adult World store. I was researching a column for 24.com, about a South African Porn film called "Kwaai Naai". Too cheap to buy it, I bought 20 minutes.

Here’s a link to “Deflowering the Bouquet”
“PLEASE DO NOT URINATE IN THE BINS”, a sign on the wall of porn booth No. 3 politely requested. What was a nice girl like me doing in a place like that?

That’s only five things to remember. I think I can do it.

Nothing like a bit of overshare to round off a Sunday, right? Hey, just be grateful I also keep a journal. You are being spared the worst.