Posts Tagged ‘insane christians’

Explicit Gospel – Reason #667 to be scared of Sundays in Orange, CA

August 5, 2012

So what kind of church is this? I know there are some pretty kooky religions in the USA. I first realised this when I was charged with taking care of a couple’s dildo and porn collection.

UPDATE Sunday 4th August 2012: As promised, I attended Church this morning in order to see what really went down: Blogged it here. There was none of the homophobia that the Bible guaranteed. Something much worse happened in Wisconsin though. A weird day in every way so far.

They’d left it with my housemate, and I held on to un-opened, until I left for the USA two years later. As I threw out or gave away or sold everything I owned, I came upon it. And I finally looked inside the box. They had nothing too crazy in the toys department. Dildos and vibes. A couple of anal plugs – I think. Porn DVDS… and this bizarre little book which I still have somewhere, and which was linked to some grouping in the USA. It’s a gospel of nudism of some sort, with all these pretty unsavory photos of a bearded man with his winky out. It wasn’t erect, which made it grosser somehow. I don’t know if it’s just me, but penises seem quite pretty when they’re up and about. When they’re not, well, I don’t really see the point in them. Selfish but true. When floppy, they just remind me of awkward times in bed with drunk guys, and bad art movies with too much voice over.

Anyhow, back to the topic: Church! Calvary Temple in particular.

I am thinking of going tomorrow at 10am, to check out this crazy stuff.

And here’s what I was able to find out about this church, which seems to have picked an interesting time to talk about “explicit gospel“. By this they mean that what is says in the Bible is all true, and all the word of God, the almighty.

They believe all this crazy stuff:

Kill blasphemers – Half the world must go. To make space for the crazy people.
One who blasphemes the name of the LORD shall be put to death; the whole congregation shall stone the blasphemer. Aliens as well as citizens, when they blaspheme the Name, shall be put to death. (NRSV)
Leviticus 24:16

Kill adulterers – You know how everybody’s so outraged – and rightly so – when this happens in Iraq/Afganistan/Nigeria? Well, sounds like the same deal to me.
If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death. (NIV)
Leviticus 20:10

Kill female sorcerers Male sorcerers are okay – dates from Christianity’s crushing of female-driven religions during the bloody, cruel Crucades and colonization wars.
You shall not allow a woman to live who practices sorcery. (AMP)
Exodus 22:18

Kill naughty kids – But only after they’re born
Anyone who dishonors father or mother must be put to death. Such a person is guilty of a capital offense. (NLT)
Leviticus 20:9

Kill people that work on Saturday Christians are all going to die for breaking this rule.
You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day must be a Sabbath day of complete rest, a holy day dedicated to the LORD. Anyone who works on that day must be put to death. (NLT)
Exodus 35:2

Kill women who have sex before marriage – they’re no good to you if it doesn’t hurt the first time you do them.
“If any man takes a wife, and goes in to her, and detests her, and charges her with shameful conduct, and brings a bad name on her, and says, ‘I took this woman, and when I came to her I found she was not a virgin,’ … and evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones … (NKJV)
Deuteronomy 22:13-14,20-21

Every sperm is sacred – with apologies to Monty Python
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother.” But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother’s wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother. What he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD, and he put him to death also. (NRSV)
Genesis 38:6-10

Slavery is OK as long as they’re a different race – how convenient
Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. (NIV)
Leviticus 25:44

Women should shut up and do as they’re told – no comment
A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. (NIV)
1 Timothy 2:11-12

Homosexuals must die I have a feeling this one will come up tomorrow morning! And that they’ll act like they’re being nice by just preventing them from getting married… A quick note though. In this bit, it does sound like God is fine with lesbian sex. Like, duh, most men.
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. (NRSV)
Leviticus 20:13

Thanks to for this source material on cray-cray bible stuff… although I should probably thank whatever self-serving zealot originally wrote the Bible to suit their personal needs and profit margins.

No, It is not my goal to disprove Christianity. It is, however, my goal to combat hate. Christianity has survived by adapting – all religions that survive do. There are good things in the Bible, but a lot of it is garbage too. The version of Islam practised in South Africa by people I know is an enlightened version – a version for this century. There’s a lot of outdated hatred masquerading as “tradition” in any old text. It’s important to see the difference between right and wrong, no matter what you’re told by nutcases promising absolution and eternal life in heaven.

My point: Any version of Christianity that says everything in the bible is true is no different in its rules to what the Taliban advocate. Nobody should be required to take it seriously, and it’s hard to see how belonging to this particular religion is any different to belonging to the Klu Klux Klan.

I have a feeling when I go there tomorrow to investigate the Calvary Temple, I’ll discover that they’re anti-gay, and that they want my money.

Note to my readers: I went to church, and I was proved wrong – they’re really sweet people: Read that blog. But I stand by everything I said about taking the Bible at its word. It’s dangerous.