Posts Tagged ‘Coffee’

I should have been a yard sale scientist…

August 17, 2011

What is a yard sale scientist? Oh, I invented it. How cool? It’s someone who goes to yard sales and buys stuff and then tries to figure out what the hell to do with it. In this case, my investigations involved coffee.

Beauty. This is what's on top of my fridge. If you wanted to kill me, all you'd have to do is poison the USA's coffee supply. (You know who you are.) How times have changed. Used to be South Africa's red wine supply. It's almost sad.

Anyhow: Yard Sales. Love them. They’re one of my favourite things about America. Americans are so capitalist that they can’t even give their junk away. They have to sell it. But of course, once you get there you usually discover these sales are really just an excuse to socialise – and if you get on, half the stuff is really free. But I paid $5 … for this:

What IS it? I asked Facebook (nobody knew, although suggestions included a milk frother and "moka pot") but I was meant to be rewriting my feature so of course the only way to find out for sure was to try it out myself.

And this is what happened:

METHOD: I packed coffee into the hollow bit where the filter was under the top screw on bit. Then I lit the gas under it, and it started smelling funny and making weird noises... and more weird noises... and then it shuddered and blew out steamy air from little hole at the end of the long thing... and then SUDDENLY it sprayed espresso all over my kitchen for about 20 seconds. And then it fell asleep.

Only about a teaspoon of the espresso made it into the cup – as you can see from this photo. But it tasted great. I just need to figure out how to get it to go into the cup instead of all over my kitchen next time.

Some people need to drink the coffee first. I don't. I can achieve stupid shit just by trying to avoid getting round to the stuff I need to get around to.


Where’s the f&%*^&$ coffee!?

August 13, 2011

So I love to travel, but the first morning is always tough. You need coffee. You have to have the coffee. But you have not had the coffee. So it’s really hard to locate the coffee when you’re pre-coffee. You wander the strange house / digs / hotel / city… crying inside.

THERE! THERE! THERE! No. It's rice.

I gave up and went back to bed. Luckily someone else (my host’s dad) woke up at 9am and took the coffee out of the freezer (the freezer! why didn’t I think of that? Probably because I had not coffee!!) and when I smelt it I woke up and remember to throw on clothes before running out there, tongue lolling, ready for the day.

The scary mug shots

April 23, 2010

In our office, you have to work hard to prevent your mug being stolen. In my few years with this crowd, I’ve learned that the following characteristics make your mug almost certain to get swiped:

1. It’s large enough for soup / breakfast
2. It has too few defining characteristics or is similar to another mug
3. You’re not watching.
4. It’s not chained down.
5. You just washed it.

cofee mugs

On the left, the standard store mug. Cheap, but very stealable. On the right, a Disney mug I picked up at a fleamarket, which was unintimidating enough to be frequently borrowed.

If you’re lucky, it’ll be returned to the kitchen one day, with oatmeal stuck to it and lipstick on the rim. If you’re not… out you go to buy another.

Ok, doesn't look too bad... but check out the other side, below.

But I’m too wise for that. I have two coffee mugs that nobody ever borrows. The first was given to me by a columnist who writes for me on, Chris McEvoy, to acknowledge that I’m not a backstabber, and can occasionally be a bit of a bitch when pushed.

Daddy loves you, but he loves his heroin more right now.

The other one I found at Milnerton Market. I’m pretty sure an errant father made this on his first day in mental hospital or rehab, before the drugs wore off. The handle is studded. Amazingly even though it is big enough to double as a cereal bowl, I’ve never known anyone to steal it.

See? Told you you’d learn shitloads of really useful stuff if you read my blog.

Hungry for knowledge? There’s an archive of my previous sign blogs on Channel24 Blogs.