Weird Facebook Adverts – Salad-bowl relationship fixes, penis underpants and outright lies.

I’m convinced the same people who rigged the election also work writing click-bait facebook adverts full of lies. I’m even beginning to miss the adverts for engagement ring matches and wedding planning that littered my timeline for a year after my ex and I diverted Hurricane Bad-Marriage by breaking up.

Speaking of RELATIONSHIPS…

unhealthyrelationships.jpg

I posted this, on facebook (oh, the irony) and got some hilarious responses, this being my personal favorite conversation:

Screen Shot 2017-11-21 at 9.38.10 PM

Just living in LA alone fills my mind’s eye with things I desperately wish I could unsee, like that dirty little poodle-mix desperately trying to expell a string of poops attached to its asshole with a human hair it must have swallowed.

I don’t need the internet to do it too. But the internet won’t stop, and Facebook adverts in particular just won’t stop. As a way to expell the string of mental dog poop stuck to human hair from my consciousness, I’m going to be collecting the most ridiculous facebook adverts on this post and adding new ones to the top on a regular basis. Please feel free to link me stuff to share in the comments!

Let’s move on to… THIS BALD-FACED LIE ABOUT HIRING WRITERS

lies for writers

In this gem, writers are confused with “anyone who can type”, which is a common problem. It’s basically why almost everybody imagines they are a writer, or as my now-ex once put it, “I’m sure I could write a script, if I tried to”. Also, the only thing guaranteed about this is that that rate of $35-$45 is a lie.

Many writers do earn this. Just not by replying to this advert. And that’s guaranteed from home. It’s the Herbalife of bullshit-for-arts-grads.

Now, I’m all for humiliating cats but… BDSM FOR CATS IS GOING TOO FAR

pet torture.png

Just so you know, this advert wasn’t offered to me, but to someone else. I may have bad relationships and secretly wish for false hope of being paid $45 an hour to be “anyone who can type” but when you can’t see a cat’s outraged expression, making it wear a Christmas hat isn’t fun. Not fun at all.

Fun. Maybe we can watch Get Out on Hulu… BUT IT’S NOT ON HULU

fake hulu.png

I checked, and none of the movies advertised here are available on Hulu on this day 11/21/17. Nor are they likely to be. Not without an additional HBO subscription.

I have no words for this. Sorry… but… SEXY?

penis underpants

To be continued…

 

 

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