Archive for October, 2013

The Cruel Smell of Roses

October 30, 2013

Whenever I feel sad and lost and lonely in America, overwhelmed by questions like “Why do they stir their coffee with straws?” or “Why do they think ‘In God We Trust’ is not religious?” or “How is my money worth 60% of what it was when I got here?” I go for a walk around my neighborhood. It’s my alternative to buying a bottle of red wine and drowning my sorrows, because when I’m sad, I don’t know the meaning of “a couple of glasses to relax”.

It smelled of bath salts I bathed in once, when I was 15 and I accidentally went on a date with a preacher's son. True story.

It smelled of bath salts I used when I was 15 and I accidentally went on a date with a preacher’s son. True story.

So instead I walk around, smelling the roses. Orange is flat – it’s a lot like the Cape Flats except the streets are cleaner, there’s no crime, and the low-ceiling, two bedroom houses cost about R3-5million each. The smelling the roses thing started because I wanted to see which ones had a smell, and which ones didn’t. Then it was supposed to cheer me up.

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Got to admit, this was sorta cute. A witch above my least favourite parking sign, which over the years has cost me about $120 in fines. In the USA, you actually have to pay your fines or they put you in County Jail eventually. No wonder their prison population is growing so fast when they criminalize you for being disorganized / poor.

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A black cat crossed my path. Literally. And it’s got a really weird eye.

But my rose smelling thing always backfires. there’s something about the smell of roses that makes me terribly sad, these days. And it doesn’t help that it’s Halloween. I know it’s supposed to be fun, but the macabre shit all over the place just freaks me out. I don’t get it.

I find this in poor taste. But then again, I'm not American. I think the alienation this makes me feel is scarier than all of it.

I find this in poor taste. But then again, I’m not American. I think the alienation this makes me feel is scarier than all of it.

I can’t wait til it’s over and Orange can start redecorating for Christmas instead. The out-there Christianity is tiring at times, and the carols drive me up the wall, but at least they’re not terrifying.

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Government Shutdown – the lighter side

October 18, 2013

Now that it’s over and hardly anyone died, unless that salmonella outbreak gets worst, it’s time to look back and laugh at the last 16 days of US GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN.

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Why so serious? Well because real people are affected in life or death situations by the political game playing.

News of Syria and Egypt has almost completely disappeared from the air while the US tries to sort out it's own shit.

News of Syria and Egypt has almost completely disappeared from the air while the US tries to sort out it’s own shit.

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Yes, it’s childish. It’s my GOP and I’ll cry if I want to.

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This is funnier if you watch the awesome Netflix series.

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This is also how many men in congress feel about their penises.

 

quietplease

Somehow, this is my favorite. Actually taken before the shutdown.

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We love Ron cause he’s funny. He’s funny cause he really exist. You’ll find men like Ron in warehouses full of Man-Caves all over America, restoring classic cars, consuming large mounds of meat, and farting while talking about boobs and sports. Makes me glad I’m not a stripper.

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There’s something about the idea of government shutdown that is sorta fun. The problem is that I really like it when all the tedious things governments do get done. Yes, mom is nosey. But she’ll also do your laundry.

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“Obama takes his congress to the iStore”. From collegehumor.com – link below.

Watch the video here.

If congress got stuff done like roommates...

If congress got stuff done like roommates…

Read the whole thing. It’s fun. And we’ve all been there.