Archive for April, 2012

Rabies alert! But how do you tell if a bat is bat-shit crazy?

April 27, 2012

Rabid bats are plaguing California! Well actually, one rabid bat was discovered after it died, and someone bothered to figure out why it snuffed it, NPR recently reported. But of course it’s news, because well, it’s awesome news, offering great punning opportunities, and in the past, people have died after being bitten.

Image

This bat is clearly crazy.

Image

This bat is completely normal.

This is America, so a few searches turned up some cool signs, advising people not to fondle bats, no matter how adorable they were.

Image

... no matter how sweet and vulnerable they seem.

Image

I'll bet you er... $5 (cause that's what I can afford right now) that somebody is going to sue due to the confusion over whether the sign related to baseball bats or bats that fly around.

The question I have, though, is this: How do you tell if a bat is crazy? Do they fly all over the place with their eyes closed? No, they do that already. Or, do they start bumping into walls suddenly? Swooping down to steal fat people’s hamburgers?

Maybe you know for sure if you find a bat in your kitchen, making itself a cup of coffee or reading the newspaper.

Image

If your cat starts acting crazy, eating out, or trying to fly, you know it's bye bye kitty. Time to send it to the funny farm. At least, that's what you'll tell the kids.

Advertisements

A. Cat’s List of Demands

April 19, 2012

I passed a cat on the way to work today. I also passed a protest against how my fancy school is driving down wages in the local carpentry trade. On my way back to my car, I passed the cat again. Boy, did it give me a “look”. Like, “Don’t just walk past. Can’t you see I’m BLINKING.” I thought I’d write an imaginary list of demands for the cat.

Yeah. Read it, bitch.

A. CAT’S LIST OF DEMANDS

1. WE ARE NOCTURNAL. SCHEDULE NEXT VETERINARY APPOINTMENT FOR 2AM OR PAY THE PRICE.

2. GET RID OF THAT DOG.

3. BRING ME THAT BIRD!!!

4. SCRATCH MY CHIN. NO STOP! SCRATCH MY BACK. ENOUGH! GIVE ME SOME PRIVACY FFS.

5. DON’T SPEAK IN THAT SILLY VOICE TO ME. DO I LOOK LIKE A PUPPY TO YOU? JESUS.

6. TAKE DOWN ALL THOSE STUPID PICTURES OF ME YOU PUT ON THE INTERNET.

7. AND ENOUGH WITH THE “CHEEZBURGERS” ALREADY. BRING ME A FISH TACO.

This may be just a stupid ploy to get more traffic for my blog. Which is usually about signs made by humans, like this one…

If only we humans were as "loveable" as pets, people would buy us food and care if we died. Unfortunately, the world doesn't work that way.

And a late addition to this post… The Cat Fact Prank on Facebook. The perfect revenge to take on cat lovers everywhere.

Somebody posted this on Facebook today, and it's just too good not to add to this blog post.

Somebody explain this? #NSFW after you scroll down.

April 13, 2012

This confused me, one night, when I went out with a friend from film school to see Nico Vega – a cool girl-fronted band, at Roxy’s.

The 2012 version. Vague. A-political. Not terribly dangerous. Fenced off. Discovered during a break from the LA music club's endless queues. I came across it not knowing what it was until I heard a program on NPR talking about its origins. By the Mark di Suvero. I really think that the worst thing, the very worst thing, you can do as an artist is "mellow".

Getty.com "In February 1966, Mark di Suvero, with the help of Lloyd Hamrol, Ed Bereal, Mel Edwards, Judy Chicago, and several other artists, built the six-story-tall Peace Tower. Also known as Artists’ Tower of Protest, the construction was prominently located on Sunset Boulevard, not far from Gallery Row. The whole effort was the first large-scale artist-led protest of the Vietnam War in the U.S.".

(Yes, that was all safe for work. The next photo isn’t.)

Of course, the reason I find things like this and find out about them is that I like rooting around in dark corners. It’s where life hides the best stories, the ones that make us feel, and often the funniest. One of the best dark corners in the USA is Craiglist’s “rants and raves” section. It’s the refuge of sexually frustrated men, guys who miss newsgroups, racists, crazy women who have nobody to talk to, and people who… well… what IS this exactly? I googled it and found nothing.

I see a couple of white chicks with body make up. And then possibly a photo from a reed dance, taken by some creepy tourist probably. Not that the whole thing isn't super creepy, making Swaziland what it is: Hilarious.

While sometimes, signs make things more confusing, and then I blog them, this is a clear case of something requiring a caption, an explanation, a step by step breakdown. Can somebody explain?