What would you do for love?

Since I can’t answer that question I offer you, instead: 5 things I wouldn’t do for love, ever again.

There’s something awesome about sitting on a bench at campus making out. Just dark enough to be intimate. Just public enough to make it a little dangerous. It’s kink for good girls. It’s really, really, really-nice. I’m a fan.

People showed a failure to be witty in response to this sign, posted on a campus bench I hope to frequent one day. "I don't like the word love", and "Not that". C'mon.

While making out on benches on campus at night, I don’t like to think about the sad side of it all. What would I do? Who wants to ruin that feeling with the fear of what could be to come. What have I done for love? Oh, many things of which I am not proud – not because they were wrong, but because they were wrong for me. So I guess I’d only be able to answer that question when you put it in the negative: What would I never do for love, again? EVER.

This calls for a list. I’ll keep it brief and exclude “run in front of a car”, or “keep my mouth shut” or “stop drinking out of the milk carton in the fridge” and other obvious stuff like that.

1. I will never clean up after some guy: If a man needs a maid, he should hire one. Also it fills me with boiling resentment. After living alone for three years and learning to love it, there’s no way in hell I’ll ever compromise on this one again. This is particularly important when it comes to toilet etiquette – which precludes me from dating most women, too.

2. I will never fool myself again: Telling the truth about how I feel and demanding the truth doesn’t make me happy in the short term. It doesn’t make anyone happy. But it does save a lot of time. And I’d give anything to have those wasted years back. I’ve learned my lesson, and learned it the hard way.

3. I will never put his career before my own: My work is one of the things that makes me who I am. If a guy cares about me and digs me, he digs me for that too. The times I’ve stood behind a man have never been worth it. If anything, it’s been a problem for him too. For all the many awful faults almost all my serious exes are guilty of, loving weak women isn’t one of them.

4. I will never put my life at risk: This may seem weird, but it’s not uncommon for women to put their lives at risk. I stopped doing so the day I went off the pill 12 years ago, so that I would have an excuse to use a condom with my boyfriend, who I didn’t trust. This decision may have saved my life later on. I could put this another way: I’ll never kid myself about what love is, ever again. It is not patient, it is not kind… individual people can be on occasion. But love is vicious in the end. You play. You pay. Eventually. Even if only because you end up together for so long that you wind up changing his diapers. Massages have happy endings. Relationships don’t.

5. I will never wait til I am angry to pick a fight: When I wait til I’m angry, I do things I feel bad about, wind up apologising for them, and lose the argument not because I was wrong in the first place… but because I put myself in the wrong by the end. Such a waste of a good argument.

This sign wouldn't exist if people didn't do it... I came across in the video preview booth of an Adult World store. I was researching a column for 24.com, about a South African Porn film called "Kwaai Naai". Too cheap to buy it, I bought 20 minutes.

Here’s a link to “Deflowering the Bouquet”
“PLEASE DO NOT URINATE IN THE BINS”, a sign on the wall of porn booth No. 3 politely requested. What was a nice girl like me doing in a place like that?

That’s only five things to remember. I think I can do it.

Nothing like a bit of overshare to round off a Sunday, right? Hey, just be grateful I also keep a journal. You are being spared the worst.

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One Response to “What would you do for love?”

  1. Ericka Says:

    I rarely write comments, however i did a few searching and wound up here What would you do for love?

    | Jean Barker’s Sign Language. And I actually do have a couple of questions for you if you do not mind. Could it be only me or does it look like a few of these remarks come across like left by brain dead people? 😛 And, if you are posting at additional online sites, I’d like to follow anything fresh you have to
    post. Would you make a list of the complete urls of your shared sites like your
    twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

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