Hooters! For parents who really believe “breast is best”

I want to the Hooters website. I needed to set a scene I was writing there, okay. And also I’m always fascinated by the businesses who set up near places where men are believed to lurk at their most vulnerable or unfettered moments – like outside churches sports stadiums, and in airports. Here in the USA, places like this are generally designed to comfort and pamper the male, and are oddly food-focussed.

Nom nom nom.

I’ve never known South African strip clubs to punt their hamburgers. Why bother – that’s not what people go there for. But here in the USA the men seem willing to settle for less actual nudity, provided they can load up on calories while they skinny women in tight clothing serve them food in language loaded with sexual innuendo: “That’s the biggest burger I’ve ever seen! It’s huge!” says the woman in the frontpage flash video. “Much, much more than a mouthful.”. I guess the more deep-fried gunk guys eat, the more likely it is they’ll need to pay chicks to talk to them like that.

If I need to explain anything I’ve said so far, you’re probably too young to be reading this blog. But oddly… Hooters doesn’t seem to think so. In their merchandise section, I found THIS.

Keep your eye on the future, kid. And parents, get your baby-girl a hooters shirt now. By the time they're 18, if you keep feeding them beef full of hormones, they'll have grown into it and with any luck? Hey, they can "put themselves through college", if you know what I mean.

America. Just when you think you’re used to it, it whuppasses you with its weirdness all over again. Someone said to me last night – get this – “You shouldn’t make fun of American Football. It upsets people.”

American men may be a bunch of sports-mad perverts. But they’re a bunch of sensitive sports-mad perverts.

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2 Responses to “Hooters! For parents who really believe “breast is best””

  1. Tweets that mention Hooters! For parents who really believe “breast is best” « Jean Barker's Sign Language -- Topsy.com Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jean Barker, Jean Barker and Jacques Louw. Jacques Louw said: crazy yanks @liliradloff: Excellent post RT @JeanBarker Get your 6-year-old her Hooters uniform! She'll "grow into it" http://wp.me/pTAEQ-kz […]

  2. Spear The Almighty Says:

    Lol! Sensitive indeed. They even cry at touchdowns.

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