Let me tell you about my day

I swore I’d never, EVER go back to Stater Bros. Stater Bros, for those who don’t know, is a discount store, masquerading as a “market”, trying to capitalise on some kind of pastoral myth that everything about them hates. They specialize in high ceilings, fucking weird people at the tills, and bulk booze sales. And cheap products consisting of corn syrup. As well as “just one drink” booze sales.

They always seem to set up stores within a block of a trailer park.

Bro? Bro from another mutherfucker, maybe.

I hadn’t been into one of their branches until – after one beer at our wrap party for Wilt (a second -year MFA student production at Dodge College) – I realised I really should have just bought tequila in the first place. So off I went, past the Orange police, who had nothing more dangerous to do on Halloween night than arrest a cyclist for having no license, it seemed. Thanks to baby Jesus I was just driving on a beer or two. And guess what? Neither the dickhead behind the til at Stater Bros nor the manager was willing to accept a South African passport as ID. Which meant I couldn’t buy the tequila.

I don’t like being in my 30s, but at the very least it SHOULD mean I no longer get carded. And if I do, it shouldn’t be by someone whose only source of power is gained from bullying people based on their ethnicity.

After lecturing the moron who treated me like I was the problem, showing no shame, I went next door and bought the tequila there instead. It wasn’t cold and the guy behind the counter asked me out (or should that be, asked himself IN!?) but at least he sold me some hard tack, after checking my totally valid ID.

The next afternoon, I woke up. Sort of. Actually first I drank a litre of coffee. I no longer have an alcohol tolerance so three tequilas nearly killed me. After five solid days work as on-set photographer on the shoot. I longed to kick back, relax, and watch some TV.

Wasn’t about to happen though. I had a few things crawling up my to-do-list, like roaches to rotting refried bean sauce, like sands through an hourglass (backwards), like, for instance, my recycling, which has gradually been encroaching on my kitchen to a greater and greater degree, until I was tripping over Trader Joe’s bags full of plastic soda water bottles on my way to the water filter at night…

So I skipped making a to do list (one less thing to do that way) and moved right on to getting shit sorted out.

I paid my rent. I paid my internet bill. I paid my electricity. I paid my gas. I took my recycling and transferred it into bags.

Then I ventured out to the nearest recycling place. I stood in line, wondering why people didnt’ just leave their stuff. I found out why when I got to the front. They PAY you for it here. And guess what? They’re located just in front of the local trailer park. And guess what 2? I had somehow, by fluke known only to me, found myself at the same branch of… STATER BRO’s where I’d thrown my toys the night before. And guess what else? The recycling place gives you vouchers, which you can redeem only at STATER BRO’s.

EARTH WIZE (not spelling wise). I think next time I'll donate my recycling to charity. But it's pretty amazing to see how effective it is to pay people. There was a queue. Really. A queue.

So I want back in. At the counter, scented with garbage and full of joy at not only having saved the planet, but also cleared my house of junk and been paid to do so, I toyed with a pack of gum. Toyed with a banana. Toyed with an energy shot.

It's called GO FORTH MOBILE HOME VILLAGE. But I think people stay longer than they plan to. If you would like to live in a storage container on wheels, California is the place to do it, apparently.

Then I decided no, screw this. I’ll buy it somewhere else. I’ll put that towards that Mustang I always wanted. And the next day, I did. It was only $3 but like writing fees for South African web columns, these things do add up. So I bought the damn car. But that’s another story, for another time.

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One Response to “Let me tell you about my day”

  1. Tweets that mention Let me tell you about my day « Jean Barker's Sign Language -- Topsy.com Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jean Barker, Jean Barker. Jean Barker said: Let me tell you about my day: http://wp.me/pTAEQ-fJ […]

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