Catholic jokes

London, 2010

I googled “Catholic Jokes” and found a site called fish eaters – yes, I’m serious – full of jokes. But I didn’t understand most of them. The first few seem to require a fair amount of religious (more dogmatic than biblical) knowledge of Judaism and Catholicism – more than I possess. Here are a couple I did understand…


A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, a joke?”

And then there was this one…


A nun at a Catholic school asked her students what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Suzy declares, “I want to be a prostitute.”
“What did you say?!” asks the nun, totally shocked.
“I said I want to be a prostitute,” Suzy repeats.
“Oh, thank heavens,” says the nun. “I thought you said ‘a Protestant!'”

And this is my favourite:

A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be monk.”
The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years.”
The man replies “Fine.”
Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot asks, “Well my son what have you to say.
The man replies “Bed’s hard.”
The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”
The man says, “Yes”.
Another ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says, “Food stinks!”
The abbot asks, “Is that it?”
And the man says “Yes.”
Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”
And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever since you got here!”

It’s a Jewish joke, really, if you ask me. But then, Christianity is too.

Thanks to Jeanine, my former flatmate and my friend in London, who said I could use her friend’s picture, which I found on Facebook yesterday.

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One Response to “Catholic jokes”

  1. Tweets that mention Catholic jokes « Jean Barker's Sign Language -- Topsy.com Says:

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