911 Orange Alert: Democrazy Days

Orange, CA is famously one of the most consistently conservative places in the USA. Now I’m not going to pretend to know the USA, but aside from Atlanta its the place where I’m most aware of the the fact that the USA is at war. Now it’s NOT okay to joke about it, at all, of course, so Americans organise war-related events like “Holes for Heroes” (saw the ad on TV). You want to geuss what that is? I know … it sounds like a sick joke, doesn’t it. Or at least something involving strippers… It’s not, though*. How could you think that, you DISGUSTING TERRORIST-LOVER-FAGGOT!!! Now you go ahead and have a nice day now!

Pulled pork is a big favourite in Conservative Orange, where real men pull pork. WARNING: May not contain traces of irony.

Everywhere you go in Orange, you’re reminded that being in the military is good and right, and a sign of manhood. It’s kind of weird that it’s a university town filled with people with no plans to go and fight for their country’s oil supply. on behalf of helpless women in burkahs for freedom and democracy.

Advertising at The Block - a mall that's fairly trendy due to student specials at cinemas, proximity to colleges, good bars, and a skate park.

It's quick. It's easy. It's the law. A sign at the post office. WARNING: May lead to sudden death.

Of course, the people of Orange aren’t very fond of Chapman University, because not only do we have rights to use their public land to build educational facilities for student film-makers, but also we tend to be left of their medium right, we don’t go to sleep at 9.30pm like the good people of The Towne. So they call the police. Seriously. They call the police on a bunch of post-grads standing chatting quietly in the back yard about film, with no music playing. True story. Happened to me last night.

Although this is not in the California Drivers Handbook, I can tell you what it says: "Motorists please yeild to hungover student who may be high crossing road with energy drink in time for 10am class." The people of Ye Olde Towne Orange don't think it's funny.

But, having said all that? America is a hard place not to like. Even though I complain about Orange, and run away to San Diego to get some oxygen, I would far, far rather be living in Orange than in say… Kabul.

* If you’re one of the people who can still walk around, you might want to take a nice vacation and play in a golf tournament, called Holes for Heroes. Yes. Nothing funny about that. Step AWAY from the obvious joke. It’s a fundraiser to pay for prosthetic limbs for soldiers who lost their arms and legs in the War on Terror.

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3 Responses to “911 Orange Alert: Democrazy Days”

  1. Escape from Orange « Jean Barker's Sign Language Says:

    […] let me be straight about one thing: I’m complaining. I admit that Orange is peaceful, safe, so crime-free that I sometimes feel the urge to remove the tracking device from the back of […]

  2. Walk a mile in her shoes? I’d rather not… « Jean Barker's Sign Language Says:

    […] thing I admit about Orange, CA is that although I find it a bit like a large, stuffy closet filled with hamburgers and Republicans at times, I am loving feeling really safe, physically, all the time. Of course, I’ve managed to find […]

  3. I’ll be back, Koreatown | Jean Barker's Sign Language Says:

    […] It’s just that moving to Hollywood (of which Koreatown forms a part) was like finding a new home – something that’s been missing from my life for a few years now. I felt the same feeling of sudden belonging when I moved from Vredehoek to Sea Point; like I’d discovered a place where I could be myself, find myself, make myself what I was meant to be. I never much liked Orange. Ah screw that. I really can’t bear Orange. It’s not a bad place. It’s just not for me. Living there is like being smothered with lawn grass – looks great. Makes me want to scratch my face off. […]

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