Are our airlines a joke?

@amandasevasti I will NEVER fly Kulula again. Our cat is so traumatised, I’m lodging a complaint with the SPCA against @kulula

Why? Well, she and her husband had were migrating from Cape Town to Joburg, which is fairly stressful in the FIRST place for people used to breathing fresh air on a regular basis. They checked their cat in at Cape Town international’s swanky new airport, and their flight was delayed for three hours… Not sure what happens to cats in those situations. I presume they behave like stupid fucking cats – fail to read the safety instructions in their seat pocket, panic and scream so much you wish they’d just die. My attempts at google failed to yield answers. But do I know from bitter experience with numerous airlines, exactly what happens to humans. Although we’re only caged up with overpriced food and exclusive books at departures, we go kinda crazy, and crazier, the longer it goes on. We buy ugly sunglasses and send boring smses to our loved ones.

I love South Africa’s sense of humour – and delays at airports are normal, internationally. Then again, it’s how delays are managed that matters.

Pets astound me, as a concept – but cruelty to animals’ owners is just stupid business, cause they don’t hate pets. To them “if you were smaller, I’d eat you” is a cute look. They fucking love the meat-devouring, pillowpissing things. Old ladies in Sea Point wake up and squeeze their daschhunds’ poo out at 4am. I know, because I walk up Beach Road and stand in the calcifying, sun-blackened remains a few hours later.

On the SAA plane returning from Swaziland via Joburg recently, two Polish men in the seats next to me laughed their asses off at the safety video (you know the one, featuring Martinus Schalkwyk from the NNP (RIP, more like)? They asked me “Are all your planes like this?”

I laughed and shook my head, while failing to think of a plane that wasn’t, and feeling so proud, because I’m so damn proud of our way of handling things with humour. Because it’s like the vuvuzela – ours – even if I wish we’d chosen a more musical weapon of mass distraction.

As we walked out, we (the Polish guys and me) stopped and laughed at this plane that sat loading up passengers on the runway.

kulula humorous advert

Yeah... but read the fine print.

I, for one, appreciate their candor. Then again, the last flight is like the last blowjob – it always depends how your pussy felt when you arrived.

One Response to “Are our airlines a joke?”

  1. The pros and cons of competitive advertising. « Jean Barker's Sign Language Says:

    […] South Africa it’s not legal to advertise competitively. This makes for more entertaining advertising – there’s nothing more boring than a “I’m better than you” contest. […]

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