The scary mug shots

In our office, you have to work hard to prevent your mug being stolen. In my few years with this crowd, I’ve learned that the following characteristics make your mug almost certain to get swiped:

1. It’s large enough for soup / breakfast
2. It has too few defining characteristics or is similar to another mug
3. You’re not watching.
4. It’s not chained down.
5. You just washed it.

cofee mugs

On the left, the standard store mug. Cheap, but very stealable. On the right, a Disney mug I picked up at a fleamarket, which was unintimidating enough to be frequently borrowed.

If you’re lucky, it’ll be returned to the kitchen one day, with oatmeal stuck to it and lipstick on the rim. If you’re not… out you go to buy another.

Ok, doesn't look too bad... but check out the other side, below.

But I’m too wise for that. I have two coffee mugs that nobody ever borrows. The first was given to me by a columnist who writes for me on, Chris McEvoy, to acknowledge that I’m not a backstabber, and can occasionally be a bit of a bitch when pushed.

Daddy loves you, but he loves his heroin more right now.

The other one I found at Milnerton Market. I’m pretty sure an errant father made this on his first day in mental hospital or rehab, before the drugs wore off. The handle is studded. Amazingly even though it is big enough to double as a cereal bowl, I’ve never known anyone to steal it.

See? Told you you’d learn shitloads of really useful stuff if you read my blog.

Hungry for knowledge? There’s an archive of my previous sign blogs on Channel24 Blogs.

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